end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
