I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
