Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
