i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
