She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
