i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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