I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
