That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
