Got a toothbrush?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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