Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
