the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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