Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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