my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
