I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
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