my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
