Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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