he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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