no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
