Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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