awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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