I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
