Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
