wat bout pragnant strippers??
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
