whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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