I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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