I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
