I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How does one acquire holy water?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
