Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
BRING THE BAGELS
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
