hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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