My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
His hands were made for my vagina.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
