I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
