Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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