There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
