Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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