just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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