Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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