i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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