I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
