this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
