I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
