i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
