and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
