You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
