Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
