I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
