i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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