oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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