I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
