I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
