Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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