i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
